Internal Correspondence 3

2014 Biofore concept car interior: an important Geneva show car

Dear Simon:

Nice to have you back. I met Eóin (briefly) at the Geneva show. He was very busy and I didn’t want to disturb him. For my part, it was a successful show and I really feel as if I’ve covered the most important vehicles plus the little black and white job above. Great to see Mr. Doyle mopping up the details. The Hotel des Bergues was even better than expected, (did you get the fax with the bill?) and the room service sublime.

I hope Eoin’s stay at the budget hotel was tolerable. I decided to avoid that hungry tramping around that one typically endures when looking for food in a foreign town. Thus the Brasserie Lipp became my “cantine” and I just took a taxi there every evening. And to save valuable drinking time I just ordered menu 4 every day plus an extra plate of something shown in the lower photo. The invoice is to follow. I think I will ask for a discount next year.




Brasserie Lipp: a Geneva classic

Menu No 4 Fr. 84.00
Roasted scallops (3 pc)
Pistachio oil sauce and spicy bouillon
Rocket salad with sesame seeds
Grilled beef fillet (CH) (140g)
Béarnaise Sauce
French fries
Vegetables basket
La palette du «Bec-à-miel»
(Selection from our Pastry Chef)


Charcuterie garni: eaten in Geneva

Dear Richard

Yet again you will insist on bring these things to notice on the main pages. As such, I make no apologies if my reply is rather forceful. Firstly, regarding The Show. As you know, Eoin never actually attends shows, but does insist on travelling to them. I am sure the cheap hotel you recommended is a perfect place for a couple of young backpackers visiting Geneva to go sightseeing. 

However, since Eóin was ensconced on a rather tawdry settee in his room for the duration (the person you met could not have been he, though I believe there is a strange man who impersonates Eóin at shows), he found that they did not cater adequately to his, admittedly strange, eating patterns. For me, as you may be aware, with no more funds remaining, I travelled with Sean in his motorhome, not a pleasant prospect for someone who has slept in a car with Archie Vicar.

Of course, dear whimsical Sean insisted on switching his SatNav to Serbian, a language of which he has no knowledge at all, with the result that we remained hopelessly lost in Eastern France and never arrived. This didn’t seem to worry him, since he spent most of his time stopping and asking passers-by, in execrable French, “avez-vous vu jamais un Panhard Vingt Quatre pres de ici peut-etre?”. He became strangely obsessed with a vehicle that I remember Vicar actually refused to get inside when we tested it. Of course we never saw it and just ended up returning home with the vehicle filled with odd smelling Alsacian sausages (French region, not dog – spelling!).

Your spending is getting beyond a joke. The Lads seemed to view you as the Pole Star in their Journalistic Cosmos and were naive enough to sign the contract you gave them on trust.  They completely overlooked the clause that stated “all writings by The Author published in electronic format are to be reproduced in printed form using Letterpress onto 200gsm hand-laid Soft Cream paper using Herriott Sans type (available at non-discountable commercial rates through The Author), bound in best quality leather and embossed in 23.5ct gold leaf. Two copies to be delivered to The Author within 15 days of publication, one copy to be deposited with the British Library, one copy to be deposited with Trinity College Dublin”.

I was against this from the start, but when you insisted that even your comments appended to the posts of others be so treated, I was aghast.  I have on my desk, wrapped and ready to go, the reprint of a comment you made to a rather mediocre post of Sean’s which reads simply ‘Rather Mediocre’. As you’ll see, I concur with the sentiment, but not the bill for £1,108.15 including couriers. I have not seen such profligacy since I filled in for Mel Nichols on Car Magazine for a few weeks.  His reason for not being at the helm was the writing of ‘Three Countachs to Lhasa’, a self-explanatory title. Back home, I had to process his receipts, as well as negotiating bail and fines with the Chinese. I don’t think that poor magazine ever recovered. Please take a lesson from that.

Contingently Yours


Author: richard herriott

I like anchovies. I dislike post-war town planning.

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