Luca’s Woolly Nemesis

The sudden departure of Luca di Montezemolo as Ferrari MD has shocked tifosi and surprised analysts. But one key question remains unanswered – what happened? 

marchionne-montezemolo-640

Ever the truth-seekers, Drive to Write appear to have accidentally stumbled upon the answer, gleaned from (admittedly dubious) sources close to FCA itself, revealing the unspoken reason for his departure – the mysterious disappearance of Sergio’s favourite jumper – (A particularly fine blue angora number).

Reports claim both Sergio Marchionne and di Montezemolo (separately) attended the same Monza nightclub following the recent Italian Grand Prix. In the chilly aftermath of Marchionne’s pronouncement that nobody is indispensable, the two men pointedly sat apart with their relevant entourages. As the evening progressed, the bespectacled technocrat was persuaded onto the floor to dance ‘La Macarena’ – (a favourite tune of his…) – but first shed his much-loved piece of knitwear.

It was to be the last he would see of it. Initially, it seems Sergio merely thought he’d lost it, but as the truth dawned he became inconsolable. Sources present at the time heard him wail, “It’s alright to say things can only get better, you haven’t lost your brand new sweater… where’s me’ jumper, where’s me’ jumper oh no!”*

An ugly scene ensued, with a tearful Marchionne accusing di Montezemolo of stealing the item of knitwear, claiming the silver haired smoothie had always coveted it. Sources claim di Montezemolo appeared bewildered by the accusation and was later heard to ask colleagues; “The man is deranged – what is this thing called jumper?” The relationship between the two men prior to this event had been reported as being ‘glacial’, but this appears to have been the final thread. The FCA supremo is said to have insisted on di Montezemolo’s resignation when it became clear the errant sweater had disappeared for good.

DTW attempted to obtain a comment from both FCA and Ferrari spokespeople today but were told in no uncertain terms to get lost.

*Lyrics from The Sultans of Ping’s 1992 masterpiece ‘Where’s Me Jumper’ – available from all good record stores… or maybe not.

Author: Eóin Doyle

Founding Editor. Content Provider.

1 thought on “Luca’s Woolly Nemesis”

  1. I have it from a reliable source that Gerhard Berger acted as a catalyst in all of this. Also attending the post Monza celebrations, Gerhard plied his customary powers of persuasion with the help of some Austrian Schnapps. Several shots later Gerhard chatted closely with is old Scuderia mucca’ and was overheard saying under his breath, whilst motioning toward Marchionnne….
    ” Look at him, in that …’king sweater! He’s mocking you Luca! Are you going to let him get away with this after everything you have done for Ferrari? And he’s American FFS!!”
    “Canadian” mutters Di Montezemelo. “Well whatever….practically French then! You need to hit first…here have another schnapps…..the sweater is his Achilles Heel” he continued with a knowing wink.
    The rest, as they say is history. Many lessons were learned that night. None more so than to never accept the offer of a drink from Gerhard Berger.

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