Following our recent discussions on both Advertising and the Borgward revival, DTW have received an unsubstantiated transcript of a meeting between Borgward’s Head of Marketing and the Creative Director of their London-based Advertising Agency.
Dieter, Dieter, Mein Herr Geezer. How goes it?
Good morning Miller. Very good to see you. Everything is fine at our end. We’re gearing up for Geneva – very confident, though a bit nervous at the same time, naturally. It is all a big step. But we must discuss the film. I showed your rough edit to the board yesterday.
So they loved it, right?
Not exactly Miller. They did not feel that it projected Borgward values.
And what are they Dieter?
As we told you before. As they always were, so will they be. Solid. Dependable. Discreet. Middle Class.
So what’s the problem? That describes the guy driving the car in the ad perfectly. It took ages to find him you know. What don’t they like?
The man is driving through the Gobi Desert. Why is that?
Well, Peugeot had booked the Mojave for a month solid.
And he picks up three women hitch hikers …
And he ends up driving the car naked.
So, don’t you think it is all rather sexist?
Sexist, Dieter? That’s a bit of a Dark Ages word isn’t it? These women aren’t objects, they are in control.
I know. They steal his clothes, wallet and briefcase. But what message does that give?
That whatever he’s lost, he’s still got the Bog … Bourgeois….
Exactly. Did you think any more about our pitch for changing the name?
The name is what we are reviving.
Yeah, like Doctor Frankenstein.
Is that a joke?
It’s a point I’m making D. Who are these people who remember Bog Wad anyway? It’s like fifty fucking years or more! That’s almost half a century.
They remember Jesus after two thousand years don’t they?
Hey. Nice one D! I like that. Can we use it? We just thought something that slips off the tongue better in China would be good.
Miller, please! Borgward it is.
Oh Mr Blue Sky …
Nothing Dieter. It’s just that sometimes I offer you pearls and all you want is …. M&Ms.
And the song. That’s a problem for us too. What is it?
It’s ‘Cock Ring’ by BygStyx.
Really … ? I don’t know them. What is the sort of music that they’re playing?
Well, it’s old school Thrash mixed with a bit of Hip Hop, but their USP is they overlay it with Ballroom
Oh, yeah, G-String, he’s the singer, he loves all that. He’s going to be in the next Strictly Come Dancing you know?
Really? How strange.
Naaah, not at all Dieter. It’s all about cross-pollination these days. You really need to get that message on board at Bore … the B Word.
But the music is less of a problem for me than the lyrics. They don’t seem …. appropriate.
I know what you mean Dieter. Normally we edit. Even lay in some different words at key points. But G’s being a real diva about us touching his poetry. I’m flying out to Denver tonight to have it out with him.
Point taken. But in essence it’s good shit, no? I mean part of the song’s about a car.
That’s the part I have most problems with. He sings about a fender ….
That worries me too D. I think we’ll have to change that to ‘bumper’ for the UK at least …
I think you mean ‘wing’ Miller, but that’s not what I mean. He rhymes it with ‘pudenda’.
Good call D. I picked up on that too. It’s gotta go. Your sort of customers hate Latin. Too pretentious. Don’t worry I’m on the case. So, we just tidy it up and we’re good to go, OK?
No Miller. The whole visual thing is … wrong. I mean when he’s driving the women through the desert and one of them removes the detachable arm rest ….
And, Miller? And it is more or less pornography.
Not more or less D. It is porn. Bloody good quality porn too!
What do you imagine you are you doing Miller? Do you think anyone would ever let us show an ad like that on TV?
TV, Dieter? Who said anything about TV? This is going to be 110% value-engineered viral. We’re embedding this on partner websites and letting the punters do the rest.
But what sort of websites would take this except for …..?
You’re getting there D? Where do you think Herr Solid Dependable Discreet Middle Class hangs out in his spare time? You are not Mercedes, you need to play dirty and I mean …...
Miller, let me stop you there. For sure, this is not going to happen. If Carl Borgward were here, he would never countenance such a thing. We are the keepers of his flame and neither will we. Full stop! Verstehen Sie? Do you understand?
Ummmm. Aaaah…. OK Dieter. Fine. Right. Taken on board…. Yeah…. Mr Blue Sky comes out to play….. Um … Let’s Reboot….. Buzz.Buzz…..Whirrrr….. Hey, what would you say to a tie-in with Angry Birds?