Jeremy Clarkson Joins Driven To Write

The Outgoing Editor Writes

No Hard Feelings : Simon hands over to The Big Man at a hostelry close to the DTW offices.
No Hard Feelings : Simon hands over to The Big Man at a hostelry close to the DTW offices.

It is with a mixture of sorrow and goodwill that I announce my departure as Senior Editor of Driven To Write, and my immediate replacement by the well-known motoring personality, Mr Jeremy Clarkson. On discussing this with me, The Founders stressed that this has been a hugely painful decision for them to make. I have worked tirelessly over the past 18 months, building this site to be the informed and thoughtful forum it is today. However, there is competition out there and The Founders felt that their ambitions to reach the widest readership possible were not being totally realised. With Mr Clarkson on board they see the chance to leap, at a stroke, from the current readership, who I believe are mostly aged relatives of the three, to one of several billion.

There will likely be a period of turmoil before things stabilise. At present, Sean is being held at Dover police station following his involvement in the incoming Senior Editor’s inaugural stunt ‘How Many Illegals Can You Fit In The Boot Of A Phantom?’. Eoin is undergoing hospital treatment after an inappropriate, though innocently informal, rejoinder to that prank when he was heard to say ‘Call the Rolls Jeremy and a million people will crawl up its backside’. Richard is currently suspended following allegations about his political allegiances – I warned you that the world of motoring was not the place to express socialist sentiments, Richard, though I am surprised quite how literally Mr Clarkson uses the concept of suspension.

There will be a few more changes. Fagging will be introduced in the DTW office (this might need some clarification for our American readership) and demeaning nicknames will be invented for any of The Founders who resume their posts. Also, Mr Clarkson has already got so used to calling the site ‘Driven to W**k’ that he has decided to change the title officially. To those of you who join here on the coat tails of Mr Clarkson, please rest assured that the DTW tradition of tolerance, reason and objectivity, all mixed with well-chosen, understated humour, will cease forthwith.

I depart in the satisfaction that I have done my best. I have left the Beefeater Tavern loyalty card on my desk, but will take the last, half-finished bottle of dry sherry, since I doubt it is the new Senior Editor’s tipple of choice. I wish you all the very best.

Retiringly Yours

Simon A Kearne

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