COTY 2017 – and the Winner is…

In a Driven to Write exclusive, our roving reporter Robertas Parazitas reports live from the 2017 Car of the Year awards at Geneva.

Image: Robertas Parazitas

14.14 CET: Good chat with Steve Cropley. He reckons it’s wide open. Talked about Fiestas and Hank Deuce. Last year he drove to Geneva in a 40 year-old Fiesta this year it was Easyjet.

14.16 CET: Giulia is storming ahead. Peugeot second. E-class third.

Image: Robertas Parazitas

14.18 CET: 3008 – 195, Giulia – 199

14.22 CET: Peugeot has taken it. 319 points. FIRECRACKERS!

14.33 CET: 3008 – 319, Giulia – 296, E Class – 197, Volvo – 172, C3 – 166, C-Hr – 165, Micra – 135.

Image: Robertas Parazitas
Image: Robertas Parazitas

I sense the assembled company is a bit stunned. Head of Peugeot brand accepts the prize. Carlos T was otherwise engaged, one imagines. What a day for PSA! Sergio’s cup of woe overflows. For the rest of us it’s Henessey time.

15.17 CET: The Bauer monkeys are on their fourth glass of Hennessey. Jubilation in the PSA camp. Some fine girls have been brought from the stand for the photocall. Old ways die hard at Palexpo. The buzz from the company confirms it’s a surprise result. There’s a move to blag into the Peugeot party. The PSA PR people are ‘filling their boots” with the free champagne.

An all night party seems far more appealing than our squalid accommodation, always suffused with the miasma of bowel gas and vomit.

Never let it be said we don’t suffer for our art.

Author: Eóin Doyle

Founder. Editor. Content Provider.

13 thoughts on “COTY 2017 – and the Winner is…”

  1. Despite my high-handed dismissal of Peugeot a few weeks ago, the 3008 is probably a worthy winner. That old guy with the big ‘tache always seems to be hanging about the Mercedes stand at shows. Is he a serious punter or just after the brochures?

    1. Is Gorden (sic) Wagener setting another trend, after having been at the forefront of the Burberry check tie craze all those years ago? He also appears to have lost some weight.

      I fully expect the grey-dyed walrus moustache to become a ubiquitous sight in the streets of Williamsburg and Shoreditch in no time at all. And maybe even the half-shaven head! After all, Gorden (sic) has his ways…

    2. It’s the very latest incarnation of Sensual Purity®, don’t you know.

    1. Sergio’s tear-stained sweater must be sodden. Who does he have to sleep with to get a break? And this on the same day the PSA-Opel wedding is consummated. I imagine the taunting texts from Carlos must really smart.

  2. Do we really think the 3008 is COTY material? You could say the Alfa does nothing new either. In a sense the 3008 is even worse than a big hatchback, it’s one on stilts. The Volvo is better than either, I think.

  3. Terrible choice. Europe’s cities are being choked by fumes, and one of the biggest culprits is stupid diesel SUVs. And COTY is… a diesel SUV.

    Mind you, I seem to remember the Peugeot 307 won COTY as well, possibly the ugliest and most mediocre PSA car ever, so we shouldn’t give this award any credibility whatsoever.

    1. Yes, my restrained approval of the 3008 is for its general design. I’d never buy one unless it had a decent non-diesel powertrain.

  4. Well, in order to play devil’s advocate: The current PSA petrol engines are pretty good. If I were on the market for an SUV, the 3008 would probably it.
    So from the perspective of market demand (if nothing else) the COTY choice makes perfect sense.

    1. I’ll add my voice (tentatively as I’ve yet to see one) to the pro-3008 camp, although whether it is COTY material is perhaps debatable. Having said that, the contest has been more about politics and bloc-voting than anything for years now – as Robertas alluded to when he recently compared it to Eurovision. One could have imagined the jury giving it to Opel as a sympathy vote, but perhaps that would have been too much of a swipe at Mr. T.

      Mercedes haven’t won since 1974, so the E-Class was never going to get it. ‘Prestige’ marques haven’t won very often – especially when they were genuinely prestigious. Ditto Volvo. Alfa won in 2001 with the 147 and in 1998 for the 156. Perhaps Sergio’s pissed too many people off by now to get the nod, but heaven knows he needs something to hang on to. The wind seems bitingly sharp chez FCA all of a sudden. C3? Not even this jury could bring themselves to award Citroen for airbumps.

      There has been some headwind behind the 3008 since launch – it’s been widely viewed as a return to form. And it comes with a good range of engines. In fact the petrol units – as Daniel mentions above – are seen as being a good choice.

    2. From the perspective of market demand, there is already a way of finding a winner – sales figures.

      I have no idea what COTY is for.

    3. You would be hard-pressed to say that any of this year’s shortlist moves the art of the automobile on in a compelling way (not that this has ever been a disqualifying factor for COTY). But perhaps the most noteworthy thing about the 3008’s triumph is that it is the first time an SUV/crossover/whatever has ever won – a statement that caused me to check its veracity when I read it, but checks out.

    4. It is a bit significant that, when I was extolling the influence of the Simca 1100 a few posts back, it never even crossed my mind to point out that both the 1307/Alpine and the Horizon were previous ECOTYs. I think the awards would work better if they were more Oscar like – Best SUV, Best Large Saloon, etc. It really is meaningless to put a single car above all the rest.

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