Oops, I Did It Again

Yes folks, Henrik’s back in business, having learned from past mistakes. Learned how to replicate them exactly, that is.

Haven’t I see you someplace before? Fisker Emotion. Image: ecoblog.it

Name: Fisker Emotion.

Age: It’s brand flipping new. Are you blind?

But it looks like the last one, the what was it called again? Karma thingy. That’s probably because you have dead eyes. The Fisker Emotion looks nothing like the Fisker Karma – or a Karma Revero for that matter. You’re simply imagining it, because, as I’ve already pointed out, your eyes are dead.

But don’t you think the proportions a bit off? Do I have to keep repeating the thing about your eyes? Look, the car’s creator, Henrik Fisker, (he created the DB9 you know), told Autocar he “decided to take a risk to change the proportions – it’s a risk because people aren’t used to it.” Those are his words, for which we give thanks.

Hold on a second there, I heard that Ian Callum designed the DB9 and the V8 Vantage. Lies! Callumny! Henrik Fisker is a styling genius! You on the other hand have dead…

Yes, I get it – Eyes. But not so fast. The Karma wasn’t exactly a packaging paragon and looking at these photos, the Emotion doesn’t look a whole lot more promising. Ah but you’re wrong there matey. Listen to what Henrik told Autocar. “Because of the better packaging of an EV model, we have been able to create a more dynamic and sporty design but the leg room is on par with large luxury saloons.” See? Oh, I forgot. The eye thing…

Very amusing. So what’s powering this baby? Ah, now this is the really clever bit. It’s an EV of course, but the batteries, (which will be made by Fisker Nanotech) use graphene technology for longer range, shorter charging times and enhanced life.

But isn’t graphene still an unproven technology? As far as I can gather nobody has come up with a verifiable production-ready battery. Wrong! It’s all in hand. As I said, Henrik Fisker is a genius. He knows as much about battery tech as he does about car design.

Hmmm, you mean like the spontaneous combustion issue affecting Karmas back in 2012? That never happened. It was a conspiracy orchestrated by jealous Tesla fanboys. They’ll stop at nothing.

Okay, so when can I buy one? The Fisker Emotion will launch on 17th August, Henrik Fisker has confirmed. Those are his words, for which…

You’re thankful… Yes I know, but that doesn’t tell me when I can buy one. Look, it’s absolutely not vapourware. You’re just suggesting that because of your eyes.

That gag’s wearing a little thin now. What? Only that one?

Do mention: Henrik Fisker as the next Elon Musk.

Don’t mention: Fisker Force 1/Aston Martin lawsuit/Consumer Reports… we could be here for some time.

Image: auto.sohu.com

Author: Eóin Doyle

Founding Editor. Content Provider.

12 thoughts on “Oops, I Did It Again”

  1. Having recently engaged in a bit of currency speculation (mostly GBP-EUR), I’m finding myself with a rather substantial amount of money, which means that, as far as decision making’s concerned, I’m in a can-do-go situation. Where do I send the cheque, Mr Fisker?

  2. DtW has gone meta. In other news, the Guardian (the *world’s* leading liberal voice, according to themselves) is going to a tabloid print format next year.

    I do remember Henrik and his habit for fantastical numbers. The Karma was, I believe, due to launch in 2010 at a price of £40k (albeit the £ was not at near parity with the Euro and dollar then – so call it circa. $55-60k). This seemed so unbelievable that I promised the editor of Car magazine that, if it came true, I would personally buy them one as a long-term test car. In the end, no drastic restructuring of my debt obligations was required.

    Henrik has also faced legal action for designing cars with a more than passing resemblance to other vehicles. As he probably designed those other vehicles in the first place, this seems very unfair.

  3. Betraying the esteemed Mr Doyle’s utter lack of appreciation for the finer stylistic details, the last photo actually depicts the Emotion’s ‘beta’ frontal aspect, which has since evolved into this even more appealing combination of edgy, slightly vermin-like light units and a cheekily old-school 21st century interpretation of Giugiaro’s legendary Daewoo grille. Styling genius at its Fiskerest!

    1. Oh dear, but then as has been established beyond all reasonable doubt, I am in possession of ‘dead eyes’.

      I do wonder if one somehow contrived to place Henrik Fisker, Gorden Wagener and Dany Bahar together in an isolation chamber what the likely outcome would be? Where would one begin and the other end? Would they fight, make love, or heaven help us, design something?

      Stop Eoin, you’re giving yourself nightmares…

    2. The mid-section of this grille could also perfectly accommodate a Dacia badge, should Fisker ever want to make a more affordable version of the car.

    3. Well isn’t that interesting, since Henrik Fisker told Autocar the following, which I quote:

      “There will also be a second, higher volume and lower cost model to follow,” Fisker confirmed. “Production for that will be handled by an established car maker, because the established car brands have really mastered high-volume, high-quality car production.” While he refrained from going into further detail as to what brand he hopes would produce this car, Fisker did at least confirm the model will be built upon a modular EV platform. “It will be scalable, so more models can be created from it in the future,” he said.

      For which we give thanks.

      I think our Swiss friend has just dropped an almighty hint…

  4. Wonderful piece, Mr Doyle!

    I had a read about the fantastical graphene supercapacitor combined with lithium iron “battery” packs Fisker is going on about. He has apparently roped in some UCLA engineers or “scientists” to exploit their graphene supercap discoveries. Driven to the extremes, with Fisker leading these poor dopes in P T Barnum style into promising workable reliable cells in only eight months from a factory itself that none of them have a clue how to design, build, hire and train staff, and source raw materials on industrial scales, what could possibly go wrong? There’s only two months left before the official intro, after all.

    Fisker proved incapable of making the Karma himself, and had them made in Finland, I believe. A hurricane ruined most of them sitting on a New Jersey seaport dock, and that was probably just as well, because nobody raved about the fit and finish or the performance, allowing a graceful exit for Fisker himself in the wake of the huge loss. This time, with Fisker himself opening a new battery factory (unless he’s telling yet another tale and a real battery maker is actually involved) rather than subbing stuff out, the chances for his success essentially stand at, nil, zero, nada.

    While Fisker is a 100% blowhard huckster with delusions of grandeur, he hasn’t come close to Elon Musk who has managed to hypnotize vast swathes of vulnerable non-technical eco-greenies into believing he is the second coming, thus inflating Tesla stock prices to beyond ridiculousness, while his mesmerized mouth-agape crowd murmur in reverence at his genius. Americans in particular always seem susceptible to this sort of hype, hoping for a miracle rather than examining facts – the installation of Great Orange Bloat comes to mind. The difference is, though, Musk has actually delivered product, not just hype, er, Hope. Fisker is the guy in the background jabbering away endlessly about essentially being the man the world forgot despite his self-proclaimed chops, and achievements which only he can remember clearly.

    Fisker has always struck me as a man with his troosers on fire. He simply cannot stop himself from carrying on regardless, convinced of his own obvious genius. He needs approbation from everyone. Not just a few dozen, thousands or millions, but Billions! Every single soul on the planet! I imagine his backers giving him money just because his annoying and continuing presence and his inability to recognize rejection, means he’s always on the phone, sending emails, twittering away, dropping in for an unannounced two hour presentation just before knock-off time, appearing at the front entrance of a morning hopping from one foot to the other in a frenzy of excitement and importance ready to greet possible backers. He is like chewing gum on the bedpost. Unremovable. He simply won’t go away and exhausts everyone with whom he deals. He never stops, twitching and yakking volubly and interminably. In the end, people get totally exhausted and give him money just to shut him up and give themselves five minutes peace and sanity. That is essentially his business plan, so far as I’m able to determine, that of being eternally annoying and underfoot. Hold onto your wallets!

  5. His website lists as first entry under products “inspirational t-shirts” (his words, not mine – for which we give thanks). The slogans are a lesson in sophistication, expressed in bold capital letters: NEVER GIVE UP; DEFY ‘NAY’ SAYERS; BECAUSE I CAN; YES I LOVE FAST CARS.

    http://henrikfisker.org/products/inspirational-t-shirts/

    So it’s not all vaporware coming from the almighy dane.

    FOR PURCHASING,
    VISIT: HENRIKFISKERLIFESTYLE.COM
    (his words, not mine, for which…)

    1. This is the point in proceedings where satire looks down embarrassedly at its shoes, coughs politely and quietly fetches its coat.

      Well… just one more thing before I go. The biography section of henrikfiskerlifestyle.com states the following. “Henrik designed the Aston Martin V8 Vantage and was responsible for the production launch design of the DB9, variants of which were James Bond’s preferred vehicles.” Note the words ‘production launch design’. This is probably as close to an admission as we’re likely to get – intentional or otherwise – for which I give thanks.

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