The ‘first ever’ BMW X7 is amongst us and isn’t it just swell?
There are increasing concerns for the wellbeing of storied carmaker, Bayerische Motoren Werke following recent revelations that the marque has been diagnosed with a virulent and potentially incurable form of hydronephrosis.
This is a condition where one or both kidneys become stretched and swollen. It does not generally cause any long-term problems assuming it’s diagnosed and treated promptly. However, in severe cases and left untreated, complications may set in and the symptoms can then become chronic.
It appears that Bayerische Motoren Werke has been masking the gravity of its condition from close friends and family, although recent sightings (most recently at the Paris salon in early October) lead to fans and onlookers expressing their mounting concern on social media.
However, following the official announcement of the X7 SUV yesterday, it seems as though the veil of secrecy has been lifted, as Bayerische Motoren Werke can no longer conceal the true extent of its ill health. In what some observers have suggested may well be a coded cry for help, the X7’s official press release contains a section where it alludes to the “largest kidney grille in BMW history.”
Allegedly, medical experts remain baffled by the extent and severity of Bayerische Motoren Werke’s nephritic distension. Observers are now suggesting that the 2017 hiring of Slovakian nephrologist, the eminent Dr. Jozef Kabaň, points to a longer-standing condition than first believed, but unofficial sources have speculated that the world-renowned specialist has become powerless in the face of such an advanced onset of the disorder.
Hampering his case further, it is believed, are both patient and its media representative’s fervent denials that anything is amiss – Bayerische Motoren Werke defiantly asserting on twitter recently that its kidneys are just naturally bigger than everyone else’s. However, a BMW source, speaking under conditions of anonymity informed Driven to Write that Bayerische Motoren Werke’s condition is ‘far more serious than you might imagine.’
Fans, onlookers and several noted celebrities have inundated the Vierzylinder with their thoughts and prayers and it is believed that a candlelight vigil is being organised, which will take place on the central reservation of the World-famous Petuelring. Sir Elton John is expected to perform.
A helpline has been set up for anyone who has been affected by any issues relating from this story.